Sarah Nichols 7/11/22 Sarah Nichols 7/11/22

“Hey, Where’s Josh?!”

Leah helping to keep an eye on Josh while we’re setting up camp. Even now, we always have to be vigilant

What are you afraid of? Stop for a minute and think about it. Is there something that just strikes fear to the marrow of your bones when you imagine it? For me, it’s the thought of losing Josh. Like, stop-me-in-my-tracks heart-wrenching terror, and we’ve had so many experiences of exactly that.

Josh was on the go before he could even walk. He would climb things and just about give me a heart attack. After he was first diagnosed with Autism at age 2, he started a long “career” of eloping.

I don’t remember the first time he took off on us. Honestly, there have been so many times they sort of run together in my mind. Our back yard had a nice chain link fence around it, and I watched him discreetly once. He was up and over that fence in 4 seconds flat. He was only 3 years old. We spent thousands of dollars to have a 6ft. privacy fence installed, inside-out so the smooth side faced the yard. The first time he got out of the privacy fence, he dragged a garbage can to the fence and climbed over. So we got rid of the can, then somehow he dragged our giant trampoline over to the fence and climbed over! So we tied the trampoline to the climbing wall. We tied all of our lawn chairs to the back porch. Anything moveable had to be tied down or removed from the back yard.

3 year old Josh inside the chain link fence

We did everything we could think of to keep him safe. Inside the house, we had new windows installed that had safeguards on them. We turned all the locks on the doors inside out, so you needed a key to get out. We used to joke that if someone tried to break in it would be easy, but they’d never get back out.

Country living is great, and whenever he got away from us there were a few places he usually went. We would jump on the Polaris Ranger and take off looking for him. Even if he only had a 10 second head start, we’re surrounded by trees and woods and we were never sure which place to look first. I usually started at the pond next door- he loves water.

The first time I had to jump in that pond after him, he had gone in and swam to the middle. He was out there treading water, and we were calling him, trying to lure him over to us with pails and shovels and other toys to no avail. He started to get tired and said, “All done!” so I jumped in.

The second time I fished him out of the pond, it was fall and very chilly. I didn’t give him a chance to get tired of treading water- I was more worried about hypothermia. I went right in and got him, and we drove the cart back home. We got inside and out of our wet clothes, and our friend Brian was in the driveway and called me on my cell phone. He said, “I don’t want to freak you out even more, but Josh is trying to climb out the bathroom window.” That window has been screwed shut ever since.

This one time, he disappeared and we jumped on the cart again. He wasn’t at the pond. He wasn’t across the field at Shane & Sue’s old house. I couldn’t see him anywhere in the woods, and I really started to panic. I drove toward Morrice Rd. even though he had never gone that way before. There he was, sitting in the back end of a pickup truck, drinking a Mt. Dew. A volunteer firefighter had seen him on the road and stopped immediately. The firefighter was able to call off the police that were on their way. I think Josh was maybe 6 at this time.

At this point maybe you’re thinking we must be careless parents, or we don’t pay attention to our son. I suppose that’s a fair assumption if you don’t have experience with Autism, or with a child who wanders. But it isn’t only us he’s gotten away from.

Josh has eloped from school many times, but one time he really got away from them and we were all terrified. He disappeared from trained professionals who knew not to let their guard down, even though Josh hadn’t tried to elope in quite a while. They were out at the playground and suddenly the staff realized Josh wasn’t there anymore. When the principal called, I reminded her how much Josh likes water. They finally found him playing in a shallow stream about 100yds from the railroad tracks. He had gone through the fairly thick woods, over a couple of broken down barbed wire fences, across a marshy area (where he lost a shoe!) in a matter of a few minutes. When they found him, he was just playing in the water without a care in the world. He might have been 13 or so.

Every time was terrifying, but if there was a “worst time,” it’s when we went to Alaska to see family. My heart starts pounding any time I talk about this one. Josh was 4 and Leah was 2. I had been talking with my step-mom about my fears of Josh getting away from us and she did a great job of reassuring me. We prepared as much as we could- I brought a bunch of those child-proof door handle covers for all the doors, and there were at least 4 adults and six other kids there. With all of these precautions, he’d be safe. Well… somehow none of us remembered there was a door in the laundry room and of course Josh found it. So 10 of us went off searching in different directions. I don’t remember how long it took, but I heard my step-mom calling “I found him! I have him!” When she handed him to me I just held him and sobbed.

We had our first Family Vacation since that Alaska trip, about six-ish years ago, when Josh was 17. Family members graciously offered their cottage for a weekend. The next year we drove to Missouri and stayed in an old farm house. That same year, we did a “stay-cation” and spent the night in a local hotel with a pool over Christmas Break. We ate out at a restaurant on that trip! Each of these trips had some similar challenges, mostly at bedtime. From age 4 to age 17 he pretty much didn’t sleep anywhere besides home, so the days of these trips were fun and exciting, but when it was bedtime he tried to pack up to go home.

At the cottage on our first vacation since the Alaska trip, 2016

Lake Huron, 2016. Josh is wearing a life jacket in case he takes off from us and heads to deep water, because he has no fear

On our trip to Missouri, Josh was fascinated with the vending machines. It became a tradition to stop at a rest area and get snacks

Last summer we went camping with our dear family friends, “Aunt Nanny” and “Unca Joe,” and Josh did great, even at bedtime! We have this year’s camping trip at the end of this week, and I think we’re all looking forward to it.

Camping with Leah, Will, Nan & Joe last summer. It went so well we decided to try again this year!

The truth is, vacations are hard. When Josh is with us, there’s no way to fully relax. We have to always be on guard. In my last post I talked about us making the decision that I would go north by myself. When I first had the idea to visit Dad & Jill, I thought Tom, Josh and I would go up for a night since Josh is off school. Josh has had a rough couple of weeks, since before school got out for the summer, so Tom offered that I go up by myself so I’d be able to just visit. We’re grateful when Josh is welcome places, but most often one of us will stay home with him while the other goes.

I feel like it’s important for Josh to experience things, to try and expand his comfort zone a little. On the other side of that, it creates major stress for us worrying about what he might break, or if he’s going to have an accident on someone’s couch. How do you know what the best plan is?

Sarah Nichols 7/10/22 Sarah Nichols 7/10/22

Quality Time

It’s Sunday night and I just returned from a trip Up North to see my Dad and Step-Mom. After a quick visit with them and being on the road for almost three hours, it’s good to see how much everyone at home missed me! The dogs went crazy, the cats acted like they didn’t even know I was gone, and Josh and Tom seemed happy and relieved (respectively.)

Tom offered to stay home with Josh so I could have some quality time with these two people who I love so much, and I’m immensely grateful for that. For me, it’s a quick break from being “on” all the time. For many years I never realized how important that was, no matter what well-meaning people tried to tell me.

Even though I was only there for about 24 hours, this trip was a much-needed recharge. It helps that they live in the middle of nowhere. It’s quiet and peaceful, surrounded by woods and wildlife. There isn’t even cell service.

We laughed, we cried, we stayed up talking until way past my normal bedtime. I got tons of gardening tips from Jill- and boy, do I have a lot of work to do! You might not believe this but while I visiting with Jill as she watered her garden, I found five 4-leaf clovers. I took this pic, because I knew they’d never make it all the way home to my “book.” This makes numbers 13-17 for the year!

In a few days, I’ll write more in-depth about vacationing with Josh, and what went into the decision for Tom and Josh to stay home. I’ll share some real talk about the struggles we’ve had over the years.

Hope everyone has a great week!🍀

We bought a used Prius last Fall. I’m so glad we have it!

Tom Nichols 7/1/22 Tom Nichols 7/1/22

Friday Night Pizza Night

It was the summer of 2006 and my dad lay dying in a hospital room. Over the course of several weeks, we would visit him as he drifted in and out of consciousness.

It was brutally painful to watch him in his final days, but I’m glad to have been there to say goodbye. My mind flooded with memories of the good times we had together as a family when I was a kid.

Mom was Head Cook, among a million other things, because she was good at it. There were a few meals where the Old Man would take over the reins. He could make an apple pie from scratch that was legendary. The memory of him in the kitchen that sticks out the most for me was Pizza Night.

As I recall, Dad would make the crusts and Mom would help my older brother Mike and I dress it up with toppings when it was time. Sometimes we would play Euchre after chowing down the pizza. Other times we would watch some TV together.

Raising a child with Autism, you learn the true value of structure and repetition. Most days our lives feel like total chaos. Having activities that Josh can anchor to and count on is important.

I don’t really have many skills as far as cooking. I make spaghetti, tacos and handle the grill duties. My favorite is Friday Night Pizza Night.

Each week I make a couple pies, nothing fancy. I look forward to it because I almost always think of my childhood and it makes me smile.

Sarah appreciates the meal and that fact that I took over. Josh absolutely loves it.

Even if it was a tough day, and today sure was, Josh always cheers up when I start the pizza making process. He will smile and finish the sentence when we ask “hey buddy are you excited for Friday Night…”

“…Pizza Night!” he will say with pure joy.

Good times.

3-5 minutes of prep work and 13 minutes on the gas grill, lowest heat setting.

Below are the crusts we like. They are a little on the thin side, but good flavor and great texture for Gluten Free.

Sarah Nichols 6/30/22 Sarah Nichols 6/30/22

Hello World!

It’s funny where inspiration finds you. I had to practically drag Tom with me to an essential oils conference Spring of 2022. The content was fantastic, and Tom and I had the best conversations when we broke for lunch. On the second day, after getting an unusual full night’s sleep, the creative juices were flowing and we talked about starting a blog.

We came up with the name partly because one of my “claims to fame” is how many four leaf clovers I find, but also because we appreciate the beauty in differences. Tom and I are Special Needs parents, and with all the challenges, we find things to be grateful for every day. Sometimes Autism sucks and we have hard days and don’t get a full night’s sleep for weeks at a time. And then we see the joy on our son’s face when he’s in the pool and everything’s right again. If you’re wondering what the connection is, that’s it. Sometimes it takes real effort to see the joyful moments or things to be grateful for. You have to REALLY look. Just like finding four leaf clovers.

People often ask me how I find so many four leaf clovers. Of course I find most of them on our property, but it isn’t like we have some enchanted back yard. I find them everywhere. I try to explain that I just “see” them. Somehow my eyes pick out the difference in the patterns (and I joke that it’s my OCD.) This blog will have some of my four leaf finds and pics just to brag, but we will also share about our lives and our Autism journey and parenting in general. We’ll talk about things that have helped us, and things that definitely didn’t. We’ll discuss how I began learning about toxins in our house and how they affect us, and how we started getting rid of them (it’s an ongoing process!)

I will touch on funny things from my perspective as a wife and momma bear, and Tom will tell stories from a husband’s and dad’s point of view. Our hope is that one of our posts will resonate with you. Maybe you’re an Autism parent who reads about something we went through, and realize that you’re not alone. Or maybe you’re a parent of neurotypical children who reads about an experience we had with our daughter, and can share in the laughs or the heartache. We’re not experts by any stretch. Just a real family with stories to share. This is our life, our journey, of the last 26 years.