Growing Old Gracefully

Well… not exactly. But I’m working on it.

I remember when I was in my 20s, I would observe some of the ladies at church who chose to not color their hair. It was almost fascinating to me, wondering at these women who were apparently aging gracefully. I thought that would be me, right up until I started to get gray hair.

I started coloring my hair when I decided I didn’t want to “look old.” I mean, I didn’t feel old, so I should look as young as I feel, right? I held onto that idea for quite a while.

Eventually I sort of put a timeline on it. In my head, I thought I would stop coloring my hair when either 1) Leah had kids and I was a “grandma,” or 2) When I turned 50. It turns out I was ready before either of those things happened.

A couple of years ago I started to think that I wanted to simply be comfortable with who I am. This whole thing came in stages and I’m not perfect. So I stopped coloring my hair, but I started exercising because of my discomfort with my size.

I came up with a serious goal: I wanted to be in the best shape of my life when I’m 50. I started with Barre class, which I loved, but I wanted more. I added in Pop Pilates, which I also loved but I still felt like I was missing something. Then I found kickboxing and felt like I was “home.” During this whole year I was having some back issues, but trying my best to ignore it and power through. My back got worse. I was regularly going to the chiropractor and it was helpful, but I was still having issues. I finally had x-rays done, and found I have arthritis in my back.

Dude. How am I supposed to reach my goal when I can barely move, let alone do my exercise classes? My chiropractor pointed out that “50” is a long year, and I still have time to make some changes. The first change I know I need to make is to stop self-sabotaging. (There’s a whole other post in this category.) My chiropractor also gave me some exercises to do to strengthen the area of my back that has arthritis, and I went to Pop Pilates last week for the first time in a few months. It felt so good to be able to work out again!

I am totally embracing my grays. I’m still working on being comfortable with my size, and working toward simply being comfortable with who I am.

But here’s the question: did the women I admired when I was in my 20s, who appeared to be growing old gracefully, ever have any of these kinds of thoughts? Or were they actually comfortable with the way things were happening? Does growing old gracefully happen naturally for some people? I’d like to explore this more, and I’m hoping I get there.

Perseverating

Our Special Needs Kitty