Keepin’ it Real

A lot of the Autism pages I follow have talked lately about their worries for the future. Whenever I read one, it’s like being punched in the stomach. Each of these people I don’t personally know are sharing thoughts and fears that I have had myself. I think that’s the common thread for Special Needs Parents:

What’s going to happen to our children when we aren’t here?

I’ve sort of joked over the years that “I just can’t die. Ever.” And then I had a heart attack, and a new terrifying reality set in.

I feel like I should clear some things up, as we’ve gotten questions about “the cause” of my heart attack.

*First, I did not take the jab.

*Second, I am not grossly obese or majorly out of shape. You may have seen some of my exercising journey over the last couple of years.

The biggest contributor, I believe, is the extra stress of being a Special Needs Mom. The fact that I’ve been in fight or flight for close to 24 years. The fact that I haven’t slept well for most of that time too, and if Josh gets up in the night I’m up with him. Still.

Many people say Special Needs Parents have PTSD, but I disagree. There’s nothing “post” about it- we never get to the “post” point, because we’re continuously going through it. I recently heard the term CTSD for Chronic Traumatic Stress Disorder. That sounds more accurate. It’s a continuous cycle of anxiety, where even the happy days have you secretly wondering when the next rough day (or night) will happen. I’m not trying to feel sorry for myself, simply trying to paint an accurate picture.

So now I’m making more life changes. There are other things that could be considered “life stealers” that I’ve cut out, but these are subjects for another blog post sometime.🍀